This would have been damn cool

...if I had started it, oh, four years ago.

Of course, it would also have been cool if I'd started it five years ago, but only in a deceptively-slashdotty-wilwheatoney-I-remember-
when-Morgan-Webb-being-hot-was-all-like-underground-and-shit way. That would make me what the tech industry calls an "early adopter," which means there'd be a Roomba zipping around on my floor avoiding piles of cheese doodles, a cell phone clipped to my belt wirelessly communicating with a PDA clipped on the other side of my belt, and drawers full of T-shirts with internet comics printed on them. Needless to be said, my sperm would have long since received their walking papers following a visit from the redundancy consultants.

That said, I think the only thing nerdier than having had a continuously-updated blog for five years is to have spent five consecutive years quietly planning on maybe possibly sometime soon when I get a good idea starting one yeah someday alright. The creepy thing is that I think I could well be the only person on the intarweb who has succesfully wanted-to-but-not-blogged for five years. Everyone else either caved years ago or got laid or something.

So today, I take my place in the blogosphere. I bet the person who registered their new blog immediately before me was a ten-year-old girl with plans to muse about Daniel Radcliffe and how her dad is like so unfair, and the person who joined right after me was a 66-year old Boer War history fanatic. Neither had probably touched a computer seven years ago, the former because she couldn't climb up to the desk, the latter because he figured he had a TV with cable now and stuff.

So you'll forgive my embarassment, if this feeling of nerdy insubstantiveness really constitutes embarassment. If my blog were an ICQ account it would have ten digits to everyone else's bitchin' cool seven. If you get that reference, be ashamed. If you had a six-digit ICQ account, be even more ashamed.

Digression: The above point raises an interesting realization. The novel thing about starting a fresh blog is the fact that there are a few days where absolutely fucking nobody has seen a thing you've written. You're effectively writing messages on postcards you're stashing in a hidden space behind the kitchen cupboards. (Yes, spontaneous references to contemporary German cinema! Tom's got it all!) I guess some poor fuck might press the "next blog" button on some tentacle porn discussion somewhere and stumble in here right away. But basically this is a hermetically-sealed glass case of emotion until I spill the beans. Delightful.

I read somewhere blog postings should be short but frequent, and I feel this deadly combination will pose an ongoing problem. So, to sum up, I should by all rights have had a blog a long time ago, I didn't, I do now, and whether this makes me cooler or less cool than I was a few minutes ago is an open question.

Comment away, my tentacle-loving guests.